Thanksgiving

So first off I would like to say... HAPPY THANKSGIVING! :) It's been a pretty difficult day for me thus far seeing as thought it's my first Thanksgiving without both Elder Bertoch and my parents. For those of you who haven't been reading this since the beginning, my dad was killed earlier this year and my mom is currently in jail. Yes, I am the only member of the church in my family but I do live with a wonderful foster family, in which one of my foster sisters and my foster parents are LDS. It helps a lot to have the gospel with me today. The majority of my day thus far has been spent reading scriptures and reminiscing about all of the memories of previous Thanksgivings. They were never a huge holiday for my family so I guess it's not that big of a deal... okay, let's be honest.. it is a big deal. Even though our holidays all mainly consisted of screaming and yelling, I miss it. I miss spending a few hours during the day with my parents, eating a peaceful dinner with special recipes we used to use... I miss all of it. I don't miss the fighting so much, but if it meant having my parents I'd take it. Part of me feels a sense of relief that I'll spend tonight surrounded by the Holy Spirit and knowing that I have it here to comfort me, but at the same time I have no idea how it's going to go for me. Not having my parents is bad enough, but after having Connor to support me through most of the bad times, I don't know what it'll be like not having his support for me during the holiday season. BUT yesterday I did get a wonderful message from him... or one of his companions or something saying "Elder Bertoch wants you to know that he loves you." I'm not sure how it was sent or who exactly sent it, but I know that it came from the area that he is in and I know that I was meant to get it because it does help comfort me during these hard times. I dunno. I'm sorry for this long rant about how much I miss my parents and my missionary but they are the 3 most important people in my life and with my dad gone forever, my mom sitting in jail, and my boyfriend being gone for 2 years, it hasn't been the easiest of experiences. I'm sure someone out there has to understand....right? Eh, probably not. But oh well. 

On the bright side, I decided to make my mom's special corn casserole tonight for the family I'm eating with. I think that it'll help to have some of the family traditions that I'm used to tonight. I've never made it myself before but the way my mom made it was amazing and I have the recipe so hopefully it turns out alright. 

I feel bad for the family I'm living with because sometimes when things get tough I tend to shut myself up in my room and either blog, journal, or write letters. It happens quite a lot but I can't control it. I've been doing it all day today... just laying in bed, blogging, Pinteresting, and watching old episodes of Desperate Housewives. Somehow, though, it's proved quite therapeutic. Yeah, I do go to my own sessions of therapy but nothing can really help in my situation. All my therapist tells me is to prepare for the worst pertaining to my mom. She doesn't talk about my dad with me at all, doesn't tell me to be optimistic, and overall just doesn't help. For some reason her dad has been in prison for many years and she seems to think that constantly telling me that is going to make me feel better. But in reality she hates her father, but I love my mom. I hate my mom sometimes, yes, but she'll always be the woman who raised me to be as strong and independent as I am so I will always love her. Agh, life is hard sometimes, isn't it? 

This is why I'm glad that I have Heavenly Father by my side throughout all of my life now. Getting baptized almost 4 months ago was the best decision of my life. I plan to fulfill my duties as a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints and share the gospel with those around me so that others can feel the comfort and the sense of belonging that I have been given. I'm thankful to have the gospel. I'm thankful that Christ sacrificed his life for my sins. I'm thankful that I will always have the comfort of knowing that Christ has suffered all of the same afflictions that I have. I'm thankful for my boyfriend and missionary, Elder Connor Bertoch. I'm thankful that I have been given a family that is so strong and devoted to the gospel. I'm thankful for my friends who have been here to support me. I'm thankful for all of the MG's who are so unbelievably supportive of everyone around them. I know that this church has been restored and I know that I am meant to be a part of this gospel. I know that Heavenly Father has a wonderful plan set up for me and I cannot wait to see what blessings I am given. I leave this things with you in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.