Goodbye IBS!

Okay so here's the big thing of the day! 

I FINALLY GOT A LETTER! 

A REAL, GENUINE, LOVING LETTER! 

You have no idea just how much this means to me! I get letters like once a month and usually I'm pretty disappointed afterwards because it just asks about life and tells me some details about the mission and never really has enough love in it. So then I end up getting down and feeling unloved. But lemme tell ya, the letter I got today was the completely opposite!!! 

I love it so much that I'm going to put it right here on this post! vvv

Samantha, 

My love. It has been brought to my attention that I am being a crappy missionary boyfriend as of late. This should come as no surprise to you, seeing as how I have never been the greatest boyfriend. ((Okay, he's a wonderful boyfriend and always has been.. don't know why he thinks he's not! Hahha)) I decided it is high time that I take a little while to explain to you just how much you really mean to me. I am sorry if I trunk you out haha. =)Dude you always talk about how you miss me more than I miss you and how you're going nutzo, but you really underestimate what it is like for me. Just because I can't write as much as you do doesn't mean I care about or think about you any less.It seriously drives me crazy to think about you so often. My mind is on you always, sometimes even when it shouldn't be. My mind is constantly drawn to memories of you, thoughts of what and how you are doing presently, and dreams of our future. I am consistently reminded of just how dependent I am on you and it drives me friggin crazy. I don't like needing other people. I like being able to function all on my own, I always have. But I realize the reality of just how much I could not get by without you around. I am so friggin in love with you it makes me wanna puke up rainbows and unicorns. Its that cliche, Hollywood, one of a kind, kind of love that is, in most cases, utterly revolting. And no matter what I do for the rest of time, I don't think I could ever get rid of you lol But I have come to terms with that. And I'm happy that I found somebody that can take the crap I put out. I guess I really just want you to know that I love you completely. And I will for like....ever. Never ever worry I am forgetting about you or loving you less because it is not happening and it never will. We have something very real, and just because I try to focus my mind on the work here doesn't mean I don't have to fight every second of the day to keep it off of you.Never forget what you mean to me, and all we have been through. We are getting close to halfway done darling, and soon you will be in my arms again. My rough estimate on the countdown is about 469 days from now. That is chump change dude. We got this. ((Okay this part isn't lovey but it's funny haha))Okay so that new temple here is opening soon and I got to go through it. It was way sick. I enclosed the brochure. My fridge just made a loud noise, it is dark and the middle of the night (I woke up, couldn't sleep, decided to write). I almost crapped my pants. I am positive a serial mass murderer lurks us every night too. We live in the middle of nowhere. I wrote you a song. I am going to play it for you. It is real nice and what not. I am sure you will enjoy it. Or you won't. Just tell me you like it okay? I worked hard on it d00d. I am running out of things to write. I think I will send some pictures with this too. Then you can smile and stuff. Oh! Last week I had this really great area! It was about you and it ruled. =) Then I woke up and it sucked =(I love you more than I can say, Sam. You are so loyal and loving. I hardly come close to deserving somebody as special as you. Yet you insist upon me. Never ever doubt our future, and never doubt how deep you have those claws in me. lol. I adore all of you. Don't forget it, sweetheart. 

♥ Eternally yours, 

Connor Bertoch

If you didn't take the time to read all of that, you suck! 

....No just kidding I'm not offended at all. But it really is worth reading for those of you who like lovey cute things and those of you MGs out there who want know that even when it seems like he is forgetting you, he's really not! That is how I was really starting to feel, and then I got this and now I know that I was just worrying about nothing, and I'm sure a lot of you are going through the same thing. 

So don't give up! Having faith is the biggest part of waiting! 

Okay but there is one really big topic I would like to address having to do with having faith. 

It's a little thing I like to call:

Putting everything in Heavenly Father's hands.

And also....waiting and dating.

Personally, I am 100% pro waiting and dating, just because I feel like I have a ton of growing to do, and for me, dating is a big way that I am going to grow. I've already lost my parents so I'm pretty much on my own, but I don't feel like I've grown as much as I need to before I get married, and I think that's because I haven't dated enough. That doesn't mean that I don't completely love my missionary or that I doubt our relationship or anything of the sort. Because that is not the case. I am completely, utterly in love with that boy. But the fact of the matter is, he is gone for 2 years.....and I am not. I have always been a very independent person, but when he was here and we were together (we still technically are but ya know what I mean)  I became very dependent on him. I think that it's natural and normal to be dependent on your significant other, but I'm a little bit afraid that I became too dependent on him. I need to learn how to keep myself happy, which is why him being on a mission without any instant contact with me has been such a huge blessing in my life. Some of you may not have the same problems that I do or need to mature or grow in the same ways that I do, but that's totally fine! Waiting and dating isn't for everyone, and I didn't date for the first 5 or so months of his mission, and I decided that it is what is right for me after much prayer and thought. I feel like Heavenly Father gave me a taste of the type of guy that I really want to be with, and now he wants me to take this time to date, grow, mature, and prepare myself for him. One of the biggest things that I have done since Connor has been on his mission, has been to put everything into Heavenly Father's hands. I'm no longer the girl who chooses to sit at home on a friday night watching sappy movies and eating ice cream. I am no longer the girl who depends on a letter for her happiness or gets mad at her missionary for not writing enough. I am no longer the girl who has put her life on hold for a boy. Because I put everything into Heavenly Father's hands, because I have faith that He has a plan for me, whether it be to stay with my missionary or marry someone else. And I am okay with whatever the outcome is. I have been so much happier and less stressed out since I have made this decision. I couldn't stand getting my hopes up only to have them brought down if my missionary and I didn't work out, which I see so often on the group and in real life, that I know that it's a very real thing that could happen to any one of us, despite how perfect our relationship seems. And that's because Heavenly Father does have a plan for us. He knows what is best for us, and who is best for us. I find so much joy and relief when I think about it. Because I know that even if my missionary and I don't work out, I will have a perfect eternal companion that Heavenly Father has given to me. This is basically one big random rant or something, but back to waiting and dating. For those of you who are against it, that's totally fine! Because like I said, everyone has a different waiting experience and different needs. Nothing wrong with that. But for me, I have had so much fun waiting and dating! I don't really go on a ton of "dates," but I do flirt with a few certain people at school or at work. Right now, there's this really great LDS boy who I've known for half of my life, and after the new ward boundaries we got, he's now in my ward! And so we talk a ton and text and flirt and lemme tell ya, it's SO much fun!  I love having that male figure or whatever in my life. It keeps me from sitting around and moping all the time. I'm not going to say that he makes me realize how amazing my missionary is, because I don't think it's very fair to say that about someone that I actually do like. He does have qualities that my missionary has, and I love those qualities in both of them. He has some flaws, yes, but so does my missionary. No 2 guys are the same, and no 2 guys have the same flaws. So I do my best not to compare them. I love my missionary to death, more than anything really. But dating has been such a fun and good and eye-opening experience to me. I've really realized how young I am and how important it is for me to still be dating and having those experiences with guys. I don't feel ready to get married right now. Some girls do, but I just feel like I still have some growing to do before I do, and this dating has helped with that.  I don't even know half of what I'm saying anymore so I'm just gonna stop here before it gets even longer! Hahaha 

So I'm really sorry for that huge long rant or whatever, I hope you didn't read all of it. If you did, I hope you took some advice or something from it! haha

Anyways! Nothing much new has happened. 

But that letter from Connor / Elder Bertoch totally made my whole day... or week haha

I love him to death. I really do love him.